Author: Dmytro Blackbird
Should divorced parents start dating again and build new relationships?
Dating is always like a new life. But what shall we do if our previous relationships make us our own victim?
Previous relationships or an unhappy experience with your partner in the past may construct a negative stereotype which is difficult to overcome now. What is more, you can ruthlessly say, ‘I’ll never have someone else! This is all a faulty conception!’ But your psychic disasters after that negative experience are not the only serious problems you may have. Dating as a teen is a much more difficult and subtle situation. It covers not only your psychic life but also your social life as well plus the times or norms in your surroundings.
What will you do if you have a child after the first marriage (which was like a catastrophe and you do not want to repeat the same mistake)? And if your partner wants their own children? Dating after divorce with children is absolutely new, and you must be ready to accept these rules for dating.
First of all, are you ready to tell your partner about children? Or do you have any fears that you partner can escape knowing about this? Can you twist your life and start a new point? Is it acceptable to start a new life when you have children? Some ladies consider that having a child means that you cannot allow new relations with a new man. Forget this and be yourself. Your child is your soul, your essence. Children are not the labels of your age and your individual negativity. But you must be ready to be very attentive to your baby. In what way your dates can influence a psychic system of your children? And, finally, where can you find time to share it fairly between your partner and your child?
Dating with children is a special kind of dating. Of course, it depends on how old your children are. Dating will take the time you might devote to children.
Dating after divorce with kids demands new rules and obligations. You cannot behave in a way as if you are alone, as if you have never had any family feelings. When dating, you must be wise enough to explain many things to your partner and your children (if they are old enough to accept your viewpoint.)
What is more, sometimes you’ll have to ask your parents or close friends to sit with your baby if possible. Never leave your children alone especially when they are too young. Do not make them feel that they are not important to you or spend more time on someone else. You have to be very polite with your children. On the other hand, if your child is not too young, you must understand that children always want to have all our attention in toto. They need all our life and the entire feeling of love. Or else your life will be like a constant struggle and misunderstanding with the partner and your children.
Sometimes, you cannot explain to your child that you are going out on a date. Your child does not accept this because he or she has already enjoyed the life only having you and nobody else (in cases when children do not know about their other parent due to various reasons. For his or her Ego, it is highly important to have just one person who will give all energy and emotional powers. Your baby is a small energetic system which reacts in a sympathetic way. Children live emotionally and they react naturally. Beware that our mind is just a very egoistic phenomenon: when we do not control it by rationalistic powers in the childhood, we become its victims.
Children are your small family superstars who absorb everything and who want to run the show all the time in your life. Take it easy! And try to explain this to your partner who must also understand the rules of the dating when there are children involved.
You must understand that dating after divorce with children is essential for your life. You cannot say, ‘Stop! Nothing more! I’ve lost the victory!’ But you may have problems with you children for a small period of time. Of course, this time can be extended if you do not find a key to his or her heart. You must demonstrate that your child is a part of you and nothing will ruin this unity. You child must be loved. But love is a partnership. And you must explain emotionally, subconsciously that your love is measured by the love of other people and of course your child’s love. When you have this understanding with your children, your dating will be a new starting point to a happy life. In this way dating with children is not a problem at all.
Of course, sometimes we make problems ourselves. We want to believe that having a child means that you cannot ask anyone to sit with your baby. That only you must spend 24 hours a day sharing love and patience with them. Avoid these crucial mistakes! You must rewrite your life. Besides, you cannot live with your child in a constant fear that any new person in your life will be a problem. Family in a traditional way is a unity in diversity between three persons: wife, husband, and a child (or children). You must create and sustain this holistic harmony in your life. Do not be afraid of having a child, as we are supposed to have a children in our life. It is natural for all. Your partner will understand this if he really loves you. And, of course, they will love your child if the truly love you.
Dating with children is like a test for your partner. You must be sure whether they will love your child, whether they understand that this young person is the essential part of your heart. Do not worry about any inconveniences. Be yourself. On the one hand, you must irradiate love. On the other hand, you have to find a new partner for your life. Combine these positions and avoid stereotypes. Dating with children is a good way to find absolutely brilliant partner who will share his days with you and your children. Besides, they too may have a child or two and be in a similar situation as you.
